I hope not to offend anybody but I thought this was funny....
Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you deserve it.
Protestantism: Work harder or shit will happen.
Materialist: Whoever dies with the most shit wins!
Atheist: I can't believe this shit.
Militant agnostic: I don't know shit and neither do you
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Eco-spiritual: Compost happens, it's all good shit.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.